Chaw Fanfiction

"I haven't seen a giraffe, in like... forever."

"I once met the guy at the courthouse, while paying a traffic ticket."

"The thing about dogs, is, that they never know, uh, when you're threatening their life."

"I can answer any trivia question on the Beverly Hillbillies."

"When I'm out of the country, I'm only able to speak in Smiths lyrics."

"Ziggy here is fourteen. That's, uh, pretty old for a goose."

"Some days, I beat my dick, and I mean beat it, so goddamn hard, that I lose all the feeling in my left leg."

"You can't even smell me right now."

"I know, uh, I know how STDs work."

"You're going to have to strip search me to find that milk."

"My second wife refused to use Dr. Bronners in the shower. Made her pussy lips too icy."

"I have a rivalry with the local Korean restaurant. They keep telling me to 'Go chew Jong', and I plain refuse."