The Return of Chaw

The Legend of Chaw (The Henry Bankshaft Chronicles):

"How y'all doin'? Welcome back to my ranch, ya turds. Bankshaft, Henry here, otherwise known as Chaw. Now, workin' out here on the ranch is real tough... you gotta have big meaty sausage fingers like mine. But when you work real hard, it makes you appreciate the finer things in life. Here's a few more things for you guys to chew on." (0:04)

"Gotta bunch of chicken coops. Uh, no chickens, the chickens all, all died, uh, last summer in the wind. So now I just gotta buncha fuckin' coops, no chickens. Put more scoops in the coops. Take a quick poops, hangin' with Mr. Coops. Cheryl Swoops." (0:36)

"My Wednesdays are reserved for Scrabble at the old folks' home." (1:00)

"There's a young Asian boy named Pang living in my basement." (1:04)

"My third wife was always having nosebleeds, then she just died one day. Oops." (1:09)

"Ocean's Twelve has got to be, my favorite movie of all time." (1:20)

"First try, supersize, extra fries." (1:27)

"I've been havin' some awesome sex dreams lately, where all the women have like sixteen extra bones." (1:37)

"I like to rip off all of my ankle scabs before they heal." (1:44)

"I like to do my best to cut a hot fart, into a clown balloon." (1:48)

"Hey go long, Sanchez." (1:53)

"I like to stick my dick real high, on top of the engine... and it produces a, a sort of foamy, foamy goo right out the tip of my penis." (1:58)

"Here's one for the charms!" (2:09)

"Hey, if you take out a... a bank loan, you.. you gotta repay that shit." (2:13)

"I once ripped a man's jaw off for saying the word hopscotch." (2:26)

"I like to fold my nutsack over my penis, so it looks like a baby brain or something..." (2:31)

"I made a promise to myself, that I'd never again open mouth kiss my mom when she was with child." (2:38)

"Every time I see a dune buggy, I always come in my pants—Ah-huegh—Achoo—Ah-tuh... uh, green, green time, green zone." (2:45)

"Tchyah!" (2:59)

"Left foot in, left foot in, right foot out." (3:09)

"It's a game I like to play with my best friends." (3:13)